And Sleep

Morning hits and then you’re out

bed linen trash in the corner smells of dick and pussy and great and faked orgasms and

a week of intimate arms and another decade of lonely togetherness lived just two days after that

 

the lull (numb) of closed eyes behind charged retinas and the clicking of finger joints and the cracks and breaks of neck and spine and coffee cups moulding with yesterday and the stack of books on my bedstand yet to to have their fingers spines back neck cracked

 

I bathe regularly (every two days)
yellow earbuds in my dressing table drawer just next to a year of used batteries

Clothes asleep on the floor until breathing buttoned body moves skillfully inside them and then

 

judging light turns its back on my failed reluctance to surrender myself to sleepwalking

Red fingernails instead of cleaning the dirt that lies beneath and then chipped nails instead of cotton wipes and acetone

 

Cigarettes and people and beer and cocaine and marijuana and love and hate and coffee and pizza and masturbation and sadness and second hand clothing and shoes not brave enough to be worn and conversations of semi-articulations
swallowed whole

 

So sleep in me

As my fantasy is walked to sleep and swallowed down throats held by hands desperate to re-allign themselves

I pull back the covers and invite you into my bed

And Sleep

still as a board between my changed minds

And sleep in my depravity and sleep in my happiness and sleep in

my skin too loose to keep me from rolling out

 

How would I know that I loved you if I didn’t hear it confirmed from my own mouth
if no heads nodded and if I myself didn’t drop notes with the word yes written on them a thousand times just so my footsteps continue to fall left right or right left if I was feeling particularly conscious
We walked down the road, to the bottle store or some such place, I can’t remember, anyway, there was a plastic packet with blood in it.

I thought it was a small bird

How cruel

Little tiny feathered body, it flew straight into the packet

And then strangled itself trying to escape

Plastic closing in and little talons and beak ripping itself up instead of the packet.

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